… ten least favorite movies I actually tried to watch …

EDIT: OK, to clear up some confusion about this list … It is NOT a list of the Ten Worst Films Ever Made. It is a list of my LEAST FAVORITE films. They may not be the all-time most awful films, they are just my least favorite for a variety of reasons …

(In no particular order)

Bio-dome (1996)

I saw this one in the theater while going to college at Western Washington University. I think this might be the worst Pauly Shore movie. That’s saying something.

Excuse: I worked at the theater so it was free.

Honey I Blew Up the Kid (1992)

I was waaaay to old to be seeing this one in the theater. My cousin (who shall remain nameless) wanted to see a movie and this was the best he could come up with.

Excuse: I think we got up and left the theater when the giant baby rampaged through Las Vegas and ripped the Hard Rock Cafe sign out of the ground and started playing air guitar.

Paris, Je Taim (2006)

This one was a rental not too long ago. Offensively average film making. Sets the bar really low and fails to make it over the top.

Excuse: This one started a new policy of leaving the room and letting bad movies play out by themselves. The worst thing you can do to a movie is force it to play to an empty room.

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

Ok … this one is a cop-out I know. EDIT: Everyone Many people on earth agree this movie blows. I just have to cast my vote as a human being and let it be known that I agree wholeheartedly.

Excuse: I grew up with the originals (some of my all time favorite films), so I had no choice … no choice … no choice. I just felt let down. Now, EP. II: Attack of the Clones is another story. That was killer.

Inland Empire (2006)

Let me just say the David Lynch is one of my favorite directors. This movie pushed me over the edge. Three and a half hours of handy-cam filmed without a script.

Excuse: Elephant Man, Lost Highway, Dune, Twin Peaks, Mulholland Drive …

Lady in the Water (2006)

M. Night Shyamalan’s epic tale of that guy from that “indie” movie about wine and some creature that has a name that sounds like the sniveling mascot of the 1980’s cartoon the Thundercats.

Excuse: Sometimes you just keep your fingers crossed and hope you find a guilty pleasure or a movie so bad that it’s good. I wish I had my “let the movie play alone” policy in place when I saw this one.

Cat Ballou (1965)

We just watched this movie the other night. Jane Fonda is supposed to be super hot and hey … musical comedy western sounds good. Right?

Wrong.

Excuse: Netflix computerized recommendation system thought it was a “movie I would love”.

Pi: Faith in Chaos (1998)

This was one of those 90’s breakthrough “indie” films. Even before I started to study physics, the film’s “science and math” premise was like fingernails across a chalkboard to me.

Excuse: Well … I actually thought I would like this one.

Contact (1997)

A watered down version of a Carl Sagan film put together with an “After School Special” flavor. Very long and the whole “alien-on-a-computer-animated-beach-is-really-my-dad” twist ending just blew.

Excuse: As a classic sci-fi buff, I thought I would give some modern stuff a chance. Heck, Carl Sagan was pretty awesome, but this was just cheese.

K-Pax (2001)

Is Kevin Spacey really a space alien from another galaxy? The suspense is killing me!!!

Excuse: Can I have my two hours back please. Someone told me there was a K-pax II (book) and I almost died … instantly.